Archive for fail cat

Sometimes a film is so bad it’s bad.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on May 21, 2009 by babydylan

I am a very tolerant person. I like to think that when it comes to films, I try very hard to find at least one good point, a moment, a look, the lighting, the script, Christ anything! But even Christ himself could not help Ron Howard’s latest blockbuster, Angels and Demons.

What were you thinking Ron? Don’t make me hate you more than I already do! Frost/Nixon was pretty damn amazing and I felt I could perhaps stomach this latest ‘thrill-ride’, while the cheap tickets did sweeten the deal (it is rather helpful/brilliant to have one half of babydylan working at Hoyts. Eugene is tops, go stalk him there). And even after an exceptionally long two-and-a-bit hours I thought maybe I could see the good side. But on reflection, I really can’t. I doubt this will be anything particularly insightful, nor coherent but sometimes it just has to be said.  

Hanks: Running from one major plot hole to another

Hanks: Running from one major plot hole to the next

Tom Hanks, please, please stick to your comedies. That Thing You Do is a bit of my childhood genius, you made me love you in Sleepless in Seattle, your voice in Toy Story defined my youth, hell even Big and Turner & Hooch rocked my world. If not that, go all out and pluck at the ol’ heartstrings in Saving Private Ryan, Forest Gump or Philadelphia. But DO NOT pretend to be some action hero vying to be number one in the worlds worst hair competition. Because that space has already been filled by my old friend Nicolas Cage as I have mentioned before.

Nic Cage called, he wants his hair back.

Nic Cage called, he wants his hair back.

Secondly, I know the church didn’t allow you to shoot at the Vatican (can’t imagine why, perhaps God told them the film would be pox?) but the CGI is annoyingly obvious. It felt like you took a basic tour guide of Rome and made sure to tick all cliche boxes. And then the accents, it felt like the Amazing Race linguistic style, German, Swiss, Amercian Italian, Scottish…all speaking flawless English without once needing to whip out the phrase book, not to mention attractive physicist token-female lead who accidentally created the worlds most powerful bomb and happens to be fluent in Latin. That’s the type of girl you want around in a sticky situation.

Baaa, baaa! The budget for the extras was mighty large this day. No one knows what the hell is going on.

'Baaa, baaa!' The budget for the extras was mighty large this day. No one knows what the hell is going on.

Then there is Ewan McGregor (playing a priest who spent most of his life in Italy yet has a messed up Scottish/Irish hybrid accent and speaks not a word of Italian to his minions. Che cosa?). I will never stop loving you, but that crazy shit with the helicopter is wiggity-wack stupid town and you know it. Being somewhat lacking in the workings of Catholicism, or any ism, I had no idea what your function was, nor the purpose of the five million priests in various types of robes along with the eighty-five levels of police that seemed to be completely inept at anything, catching crooks, protecting priests, driving cars, staying alive. All epic fails.

The whole creation vs. faith, science vs. religion was handled pretty shoddily, sweeping statements were made and leaving the film you felt they were trying very hard not to step on anyones toes and offend as little as possible.

Fail cat tells it like it is

Fail cat tells it like it is

If judging from my cohorts and my reactions – one snickered the whole way through, one tried their hardest to remain interested (me), while two fell asleep, missing most of the plot while managing to drool and snore all over the theatre and STILL felt the film ran too long – this film is highly offensive. Offensive for all those who like to be entertained by a good, old-fashioned treasure hunt movie. Ron Howard, you disappoint me.

I’m sure there are some who will feel I am being too harsh, but you can’t deny the film is flawed. Perhaps I’m wrong. Got any films that no matter how you look at them, they completely suck? Let us know, we’d love to prove you right/wrong.